When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.

When I was 16 I got a girlfriend, but there was no passion, so I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life.

Later I dated a passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.

When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.

When I was 28 I found an exciting girl, but I couldn’t keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find girl with some real ambition.

When I turned 30, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.

I am older and wiser now, and am just looking for a girl with big tits.

So, Heather McCartney does have a cat after all.

Last week Zoom, the discount airline, went bust. They blamed high oil costs and the credit crunch. They didn’t, of course, blame the fact that they were so desperate to undercut the ‘big boys’ that the prices they charged their customers were simply not enough to cover their costs. I may be doing their management a great injustice, but isn’t it nice to have the ‘credit crunch’ to blame.
‘In debt, it’s the credit crunch’. It’s not because you have spent £1000’s more than have been paid, and chucked it all on your credit card at 2000% interest.
‘Alastair Darling is an arse’. Oh, hang on, he’s not - it’s just the credit crunch!
‘Chelsea failed to beat Tottenham’. It’s that bloody credit crunch.
‘My house has devalued by 10% in the last year meaning I have only made a 200% profit in 12 years’ Bloody credit crunch!!!
‘I am fat, my children are misbehaving and kids are being stabbed in the streets’. Guess what, it’s that dam crunch thing again.
Everywhere you look in Britain today the ‘blame game’ is going on.
The best one to come up recently is that, apparently scientists have found a gene that is passed on by your obese parents, which means that you too will be fat. It has nothing to do with your addiction to lard kebabs with extra lard sauce and your complete lack of exercise. It’s the fault of nature.
You’re out of work - it’s the crappy governments fault, not yours.
No one ever takes responsibility for themselves or their mistakes it always the fault of someone else, and if this continues we will never learn and if we never learn we will never better ourselves.
By the way if you disagree with any of this - don’t blame me!

It still needs a bit of work, but Moosetube is alive.

I would very much welcome any feedback, just leave a comment here.

Just a quick post to say sorry I haven’t been around. I have changed to a new hosting company and have had a few problems with my sites. They are just about resolved and I shall be posting a lot more in the future.

I have changed hosting companies so I will be in a better position to produce a more comprehensive moostube site - details to follow in the next few weeks. The World According to Moose will also be moving to a new domain name - again, details to follow.

Watch this space!